And The Rest Is History

Jessica blog

Happy Friday Purgators!

This is our first of many posts. We are going to try and keep a Friday schedule to start your weekend off right and to make you think twice about that Tinder date that you’re currently getting ready for. So, sit back, grab a class of Pinot Grigio and enjoy.

January 1, 2015 will forever be the day where my dating history begins. I (the brunette) was having brunch with my two long-time friends. I had been contemplating online dating for sometime now, I had been single for two years and other than the occasional FWB (friends with benefits for those of you who aren’t familiar with the 21st century) I was ready for a change. There I was, five mimosa’s deep and with a little liquid courage under my belt I made that fateful download of Tinder (the blonde just felt a shiver go down her spine as she wrote this).

Fast forward to a couple hours later and say hello to, Adam.* Adam wasn’t particularly my type but my friends “encouraged” (more like forced) me to at least give him a shot.

So, we arranged to meet at a small, local pub on a blustery and cold January evening. Side note: I had never gone on a blind date before, let alone a blind Tinder date. Nerves where high but I made my way into the pub with my chin held high and winter jacket zipped up tight. As I walked in and laid eyes on my date, he stood up from the table and that was the moment I realized his stature was similar to that of a hobbit. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a tall person but I had a nice view of the top of his head. As I walked up to Adam my heart was beating super fast, I was so nervous, this is the point where most people go in for the hug. Not me though, I went in for the formal, first interview with a Fortune 500 company handshake. Needless to say, if he was hiring me for some kind of investment baking position, I would have landed that job immediately based on my firm handshake and eye contact, all I needed was a power suit.

The reason I went on this date was because my friend knew him personally, through university; so I knew he was a human. What I found out later was that he was really nerdy and overly into multi-media and “digital things.”

Half of our conversation revolved around drones, he actually showed me a video of his drone flying around a local city landmark. Yawn* It may have been a two hour date at max but I was so ready to get out of there, it wasn’t even funny. He wasn’t a bad guy or anything but as far as first dates go, this was snoozeville and I must say, this was only the beginning.

We parted ways with a hug… yes, moved from first base to second within the course of a couple hours. We told each other  “we should do this again.” He text me a couple days later with small chit-chat and plans to make another date, however things went downhill when he stated that, and I will quote this word for word, “J-Lo could break me in half.” WTF! Seriously, who says that?! Especially to a thicker woman. Needless to say, I didn’t respond and the second date never happened.

Takeaway Message: Don’t go on a date with the first guy that says “hi” to you on Tinder and also, handshakes are never a good idea, go in for the hug.


The Blonde & The Brunette

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of us and our poor victims.


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