Perfect On Paper

Perfect On Paper

Happy Friday Purgators!

This past week in our Midweek Hustle we discussed the pros of using OkCupid, more specifically we talked about our appreciation of their extensive questionnaire. In this specific encounter though, my beloved questionnaire betrayed me. Pat* seemed great on paper, we had so much in common and could talk for hours — it felt like I had known him my whole life. Normally I have a three day rule where I go out with a guy within three days of talking to them, unfortunately the week that I started talking to Pat I got severe tonsillitis. We talked for almost a week before meeting up.

He picked me up for the date in his super old, 1970’s vehicle (not the classic kind either). I thought he was being chivalrous by standing outside the car to open the door for me, however I found out shortly after it was because his doors didn’t properly work. We went out for dinner to a nice Italian restaurant. Even though I was on antibiotics I figured one glass of wine wouldn’t hurt and if I did have a not so pleasant reaction, at least I wasn’t driving.

Disclaimer: no judgment to people who do not drink, I think it is admirable and there is nothing wrong with it. However, not drinking is not a part of my lifestyle and I quite enjoy having drinks on a social level. Needless to say, Pat didn’t drink…at all, nor had he ever had a sip of alcohol at the tender age of 31.

As the night progressed, Pat’s lack of drinking was the least of my concern. He talked “long-term” and was inviting me to things months down the line. Not only that, but he went into great detail about his concerns about talking to my dad (who plays in the same curling league as him) about our date. After getting a frightful call from The Blonde (read here about it) and feeling exhausted from having tonsillitis I decided to call it a night.

Now what I’m about to say next is something I’m not proud of but I ghosted Pat after that night, ugh! He text me the next day and I text him back a few hours later, he did what any guy would do and responded immediately about how great of a time he had the night before and that we should do it again. I didn’t have the heart nor, the energy (blame it on the tonsillitis) to tell him I wasn’t interested. He was a great guy, just not the guy for me.

Takeaway Message: The message is two-fold. First, it doesn’t pay to talk to someone for that long without meeting up in some capacity. Too much initial conversation only leads to heightened expectations (we all sound better behind a screen). Second, I realized ghosting is NOT for me. I still feel guilty about it to this day and he didn’t deserve to not have an explanation, especially after all the time and effort he put into our date.

xoxo

-The Brunette

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8 comments

  1. Demetrius - Tao of Indifference · January 22, 2016

    Love this! I think the match % on Cupid is a good filtering tool up until about 65% match. Anything above that is really a crap shoot. I’ve been on amazing dates with 70% matches, and terrible dates with 90%+ matches

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Matt · January 22, 2016

    I hope this happens to you someday and you get your heart broken. Such a bitchy thing to do. How hard is it to send a quick text apologizing? It’s not too late to text him you’re not interested. No wonder why you’re single.

    Like

    • Blonde&Brunette · January 22, 2016

      Thanks for your constructive criticism Matt, I agree it wasnt my best moment. We all make mistakes, I hope you learn something from mine. Have a great weekend!
      Oh and FYI, we have both been ghosted before too.

      Like

    • The Serial Datist · January 22, 2016

      Getting the feeling “Pat” was actually a clever pseudonym for Matt…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The Serial Datist · January 22, 2016

    I hate talking for too long online. You run out of things to talk about and the first date is just like “oh hey do you like _____, oh yeah nevermind we already talked about that, didn’t we?”

    Ghosting after one date is acceptable, imo. We’ve all done it and had it done to us. I’ve had a girl ghost on me after 4 dates, which I thought was a little shitty, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Blonde&Brunette · January 22, 2016

      The 3 day rule is a good one to go by – gives you enough time to figure out if you’re interested but still gives you stuff to talk about in person.
      We agree, there is a point when ghosting is unacceptable and it’s better just to be upfront and honest, ghosting after four dates is not cool.

      Like

      • The Serial Datist · January 22, 2016

        It’s a good rule, but in my experience, 3 days within first messaging is not enough time for most girls to feel safe and comfortable with going on a date. Most girls answer “I’m hesitant but certainly willing” on that one question. You know the one. And even once you’ve exchanged numbers, meeting within 3 days, or even a week, is not always possible or convenient. I’ve talked to girls for over a month before meeting them. This one girl I’ve been talking to since December and she doesn’t want to meet and I don’t blame her because she’s recovering from some botched oral surgery and a resulting infection. Normally I’d call bullshit on something like that, but we’re Facebook friends so I’ve seen the evidence. She can barely eat solid food, let alone speak or be good company on a date. I’m not the type of person who has online relationships so normally I wouldn’t draw it out, but she seems worth it… on paper. That’s the scary part. We could meet and discover we don’t actually click at all.

        Liked by 1 person

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