Happy Monday Purgators!
You might be wondering why we’re wishing you a happy Monday, usually it’s only Wednesday and Friday. You may recall one of our New Years announcements was to introduce weekly guest posts featuring some of the best first date stories around. This inaugural post is by one of our online besties, Kevin Alexander. Kevin has an awesome blog/podcast/internet presence and we’re so excited to have him share his most interesting first date story.
“You’re such a fucking Jew, you know that? And you’re no different than any of the rest of them!” she exclaimed, getting more excited by the minute as a fiery hate-filled passion arose within her soul, and shot forth from her mouth like weapons set to kill.
“The drinks have been paid for; you’re welcome to leave.” came my calm response.
Maybe she wasn’t expecting me to be so calm. Maybe she wasn’t expecting me to stop the date, and above all – excuse her from the table, instead of getting up to walk away. Maybe it was a mixture of the two accompanied by my willingness to pay for her drink despite her vitriolic language just a few moments prior.
What was going on in her mind that night is entirely beyond me, however, what I will share with you as a token of appreciation to you is the day that Tracy and I met, because how it all ended is absolutely nothing like how it all began.
A gentle, early summer breeze swept my face as the construction teams were carrying out their orders to rough grade the once fertile farm land into what would become the next largest oil refinery in Canada. The warmth of the morning sun embraced me as I carried the latest project plans to the construction trailer next door. It was time to show the managers where we were at, and discuss the next course of action.
Today, however, was different. I sensed something. As if a force had come over me, I remember looking over and seeing her.
Right there going into another construction trailer, just as was I, was one of the new cleaners. A gorgeous, long-haired brunette with emerald green eyes that sparkled with a touch of hazel, and my spider sense was in overdrive.
How did I know that she was there without seeing her? Did she sense the same thing? Questions flooded my mind, while one thing I knew for sure, and that was that this little birdie wasn’t getting away easily.
My plan of attack was fairly simple – she worked on site, cleaned our trailers, and did so while I was there. Simple. Just wait for her to come to me.
The First Meeting
At this point we still hadn’t made a formal introduction to each other. Not until she finally walked in to my trailer to take out the trash and clean the floors.
Sitting back at my desk, sipping my tea, my spider sense went back into overdrive as she walked into my office. Doing what I know best, I probably said Hello in the sluttiest way possible, thinking that I had every bit of brilliant poise as James Bond on a high speed train trekking across the Swiss Alps, with over 1 million quid in another woman’s purse at my disposal. I was on fire.
And let’s face it – as far as anyone in the Universe was concerned, this bird deserved a good 27 minutes with Kevin Alexander, and I can’t blame her for being human.
From then on whenever I saw her I unleashed every bit of skill, nuance, and strut I could to swoon this fiery little lady onto my team.
Lord knows (Lord knows!) one should never chase after anything he or she wants. Nothing and nobody wants to be chased after, unless of course, they themselves are a bit wacky. Maybe this bird was a bit wacky. In fact, it turned out she was one firecracker short of Chinese New Year with a match already lit.
Months went by with me asking her out, asking her for her number, asking her to molest me in the trailer, flirting with her with everything I had learned over the last couple of years. I was in full on attack mode, and I wasn’t giving up.
To boot, the other cleaners would tell me how much she liked me, and how much I should ask her out, as if I hadn’t already. In the storm of the whole thing, other incredibly good looking cleaners came along to clean my trailer, and clean they did.
But to no avail was Tracy, the green eyed fire vixen of Chinese New Year’s past giving in to any of my brilliantly masculine shows of peacockery. I swear to you, dear reader of whom good looks are astutely bestowed, I assure you, I was like a male peacock in full form for everyone at the zoo who paid their $14.75 to see the show.
The Final Showdown
8 months had passed. It was now the heart of winter and Tracy was still flaunting her matches at me, promising to light my fire. I was in full ennui of the other tremendously good looking cleaners who did heed the call of gallant action, and who went into battle with me, giving the air around us ecstatic throes of passion and vigour – much like a good cup of tea. After much concerted thought, putting my cup of tea down in the saucer with exquisite control and precision, I had decided that enough was enough.
That very week, Tracy messaged me to tell me that she was thinking about me. My reply was simple. To make up her mind and meet me for dinner. She wanted drinks, so I agreed. After 8 months of hot pursuit, it was finally on. The date of the century. She had a match and I had a firecracker. We were ready to go.
Girl Straight Up Went Crazy (And The Lessons Learned)
Sitting across from me at Original Joe’s in Fort Saskatchewan (of all the cities) was the green eyed fire vixen dressed elegantly, whilst yours truly was dressed like a consummate schmuck. In a creatively incorrect effort, I assumed that since I always saw her dressed poorly at work, that she wouldn’t show up in a faux-fur coat for drinks. And she did. And I was in a sweater and jeans.
First Lesson – Always dress to impress, no matter what. It’s always worth the look people give you for being effortlessly handsome and envy-inspiring to those who wish they were you. The drinks were on their way, and aside from being terribly under-dressed, things were going promisingly well. Until she asked me if I had travelled.
I love that question.
Because I love to travel, and the last international adventure I went on completely changed my life. I meditated in the desert where the 10 Commandments were received, had my bar mitzvah in Jerusalem, and witnessed the odyssey of the Universe – the hot Jewish girl. In all her glory, she wears an IDF uniform, and an AK-47 slung around her shoulder, duh duuuuuuuuh daaaaah…
“Last trip I went on was to Israel, and I’m glad you asked me that question, cos the trip changed my life…”
And that’s when she went off on the weirdest anti-Israel, hate speech filled tangent I’ve heard in ages. So much so that it was ridiculous.
Fact of the matter, is that I actively donate money to the organisation that sends college aged kids to Israel for free so that more people can see Israel first hand, in order to avoid these kind of ignorant conversations that are based on what is shown in the news and not on reality.
I work with some of the top philanthropists in Canada (who are also Jews – we own everything, bakha!) to ensure that there is more exposure to pro-Israel programs.
Needless to say, this girl’s opinion wasn’t flying with me, and I found her to be incredibly out of line, right about the time she hit the nail right into her coffin that disallowed any love muffin time with Sir Kevin Alexander III of Vaginagoria.
“You’re such a fucking Jew, you know that? And you’re no different than any of the rest of them!”
“The drinks have been paid for; you’re welcome to leave.”
Second Lesson Learned – Whether man or woman, if they take you on 8 months of chasing, there is something not right. A normal, sane person, will go out with you, give you a shot, and make a decision from there. Chasing may be fun, much like falling feels like flying if you want it to. Walk away from those that want you to chase.
Third Lesson Learned – You can always end a date. And, in fact, you should when someone is clearly not a good match, and in this case, completely lacking in self-control, while completely filled with hatred from having watched the news.
I’m glad The Blonde & The Brunette asked me to make a guest post for them. Not only am I honoured at the opportunity to speak with their audience (that means you, handsome), it also gives me an opportunity to express some great lessons that oft go to the wayside when it comes to dating.
Always dress to impress, no matter what. It’s always worth the look people give you for people effortlessly handsome and envy-inspiring to those who wish they were you.
Whether man or woman, if they take you on 8 months of chasing, there is something not right. A normal, sane person, will go out with you, give you a shot, and make a decision from there. Chasing may be fun, much like falling feels like flying if you want it to. Walk away from those that want you to chase.
You can always end a date. And, in fact, you should when someone is clearly not a good match, and in this case, completely lacking in self-control, while completely filled with hatred from having watched the news.
I’m Kevin Alexander, and if you’re a shy, introverted guy who feels like he’s finishing last with women, then head on over to niceguydating.ca where you’ll find a host of other articles written by me that will help you find a path to finishing first with women and with life.