Happy Friday Purgators!
It may seem clear by now through my previous posts that I’m not much of a dater and as I’ve said from day one, if I could skip all the firsts and go right to being in a comfortable, committed relationship I would. So this may come as no surprise when I tell you that I’ve been going through a bit of dating drought lately (and not minding it either).
My Tinder and Bumble accounts have been pretty quiet with a lack of guys I’d swipe right for but one evening I came across a handsome firefighter who caught my eye. He was tall, dark, handsome and seemingly available which was more than I can say for any other guy I’ve been going for recently.
I swiped right on Joe* and we were a match. Most of the time even if I am a match with someone on Bumble I rarely strike up conversation but the wise words of our good friend Demetrius echoed in my head when he told us on his podcast that even if the girl just says “hi” on Bumble more often than not the guy will put in the rest of the work. So, I went ahead and sent Joe a simple “hi Joe” and waited to see what would happen next.
We began to chat and he seemed like a nice guy. Eventually he gave me his number (something that’s rare for Bumble) and we began texting. He asked if I wanted to get together sometime and I thought to myself, “what the hell, why not!”
Since he worked shift work the only time we could meet up was during my lunch hour. If you read any of my tweets about this date you would know that lunch dates are my new favourite kind of date. If you haven’t been on one you really need to give it a try. I loved knowing that there was minimal pressure and we had a time limit that needed to be kept – it’s like a speed date that you actually want to be on. I was comfortable knowing that if the date wasn’t going well I’d only have to endure about 45 minutes of it and if it was amazing then we’d be left wanting more.
First impressions were good, he was handsome (although slightly shorter than I imagined) and nice (very respectful of my limited time and wanted to make sure I wasn’t late getting back to the office). During our conversation he let me in on a very important piece of information about his life – he was the dad of a four year old daughter.
Don’t act awkward, I told myself.
“Aw, cute!” I told him with a weird twitchy smile plastered across my face and wide deer in the headlights eyes.
I made it awkward.
It’s not that I don’t like kids…but I don’t like kids, especially other peoples kids. I’m not the type of woman who has baby brain by the time they hit their mid-twenties and go crazy every time they see a kid, in fact I’m quite the opposite.
I was happy Joe told me about his daughter and at the moment it wasn’t a huge deal or anything but it was lingering deep in the back of my mind. We ended the date, hugged and agreed on hopefully meeting up again in the near future.
I called the Brunette as soon as I got in the car.
“He was nice” I told her, “but he has a kid.”
She knows better than anyone my thoughts about children and was surprised when I told her I wouldn’t say no to a second date.
Now, as the story goes I ended up simply losing interest and didn’t have any sort of follow up after the date – maybe I need to be in this dating drought for a bit longer.
Here’s where things get real. I blamed the loss of interest on the fact that he had a child and although for me this is a big deal it wasn’t the main reason why a second date never happened. You see, I had just come off talking to this guy who gave me intense butterflies, like the kind of butterflies I’ve only really had a handful of times. As much as I stand by the fact that I am not a hopeless romantic, I am in love with the idea of being with a guy who gives me butterflies and I just didn’t get that from Joe.
I know that butterflies can come with time (or so the Brunette says) and maybe my whole hang up on feeling this way has caused me to lose out on some really great relationships but it’s one thing that I’m just set on. I enjoy being single so if I’m going to give it up for someone, I want that someone to make my heart flutter.
There is a tiny part of me that feels a little guilty for never giving him a second date but the heart wants what the heart wants and in this case, it just wasn’t Joe.
Takeaway Message: Lunch dates are awesome and everyone needs to try it at least once.