Happy Friday Purgators!
Forewarning- This post might come across a little harsh, which of course was not my intention. I have recently been burned by the “nice guy” and this is my take on how it makes me feel!
I’ve been fairly quiet on Twitter lately but you might recall a recent tweet about my co-worker drunkenly professing his love for me over text. I didn’t respond to his text (I know, I know, I should have) and the awkwardness ensued for the next couple days. He wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me for a while and became really hostile every time I talked about going on dates (and I thought I was the drama queen of the office).
I became really annoyed over the whole situation and felt like he was making me feel guilty for not having the same feelings as him.
I’ve encountered similar situations to the one with my co-worker a lot throughout my life. Guy tells me he likes me, I tell him I don’t feel the same way, guy spouts off a line about how I “friend zoned” him and I must only go for assholes (if only they knew my type was unavailable, not asshole).
I’ve grown to realize that the whole “friend zone” concept is absolutely ludicrous and it’s a way for guys who just got rejected to lay a guilt trip back on the woman.
Let me give you a little insight on how my mind as a woman works.
I have never not liked a guy simply because he was “too nice” and therefore “friend zoned” him, I believe that’s the case for most women. If I don’t like you in the romantic sense I can guarantee you it’s not because you’re too perfect.
Let’s get another thing straight, just by using the whole “I’m a nice guy and that’s why women don’t like me line” you end up sounding like a dick and in fact not really that nice guy you make yourself out to be to be. You see, when you make a woman feel guilty over her choice not to date you or tell her the way she feels is wrong you are underestimating her grown-up ability to make a decision for herself – and that my friend makes you not nice. Adult women are more than capable of making decisions on their own, we have fully functioning brains that work and allow us to choose suitable mates, even if it isn’t you.
“Rejected” nice guys out there need to understand that they’re not the only nice guy. Girls generally don’t tend to go for absolute assholes and chances are there’s another “nice guy” she has her sights set on. Just because she isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean she’s not looking for a nice guy who will treat her like a princess, that guy might just have something he can offer her that you can’t.
I’m not living my life like a damsel in distress just waiting for a guy in shining armor to come rescue me, in fact my decisions (especially those pertaining to love and dating) are very calculated and if I’m saying no to you I have my legitimate reasons as to why.
I understand that rejection hurts, trust me I’ve been rejected my fair share of times, what I don’t think is fair is making someone feel guilty over their decision, something that often goes hand in hand with the whole “friend zone”/”nice guy” concept.
I’m tired of feeling guilty about not liking someone back, why can’t I just be given the benefit of the doubt and instead of being called stupid for “missing out on someone great”, understand that it’s not meant to be and it’s best to move on.