No More Mr. Nice Guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Happy Friday Purgators!

Forewarning- This post might come across a little harsh, which of course was not my intention. I have recently been burned by the “nice guy” and this is my take on how it makes me feel!

I’ve been fairly quiet on Twitter lately but you might recall a recent tweet about my co-worker drunkenly professing his love for me over text. I didn’t respond to his text (I know, I know, I should have) and the awkwardness ensued for the next couple days. He wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me for a while and became really hostile every time I talked about going on dates (and I thought I was the drama queen of the office).

I became really annoyed over the whole situation and felt like he was making me feel guilty for not having the same feelings as him.

I’ve encountered similar situations to the one with my co-worker a lot throughout my life. Guy tells me he likes me, I tell him I don’t feel the same way, guy spouts off a line about how I “friend zoned” him and I must only go for assholes (if only they knew my type was unavailable, not asshole).

I’ve grown to realize that the whole “friend zone” concept is absolutely ludicrous and it’s a way for guys who just got rejected to lay a guilt trip back on the woman.

Let me give you a little insight on how my mind as a woman works.

I have never not liked a guy simply because he was “too nice” and therefore “friend zoned” him, I believe that’s the case for most women. If I don’t like you in the romantic sense I can guarantee you it’s not because you’re too perfect.

Let’s get another thing straight, just by using the whole “I’m a nice guy and that’s why women don’t like me line” you end up sounding like a dick and in fact not really that nice guy you make yourself out to be to be. You see, when you make a woman feel guilty over her choice not to date you or tell her the way she feels is wrong you are underestimating her grown-up ability to make a decision for herself – and that my friend makes you not nice. Adult women are more than capable of making decisions on their own, we have fully functioning brains that work and allow us to choose suitable mates, even if it isn’t you.

“Rejected” nice guys out there need to understand that they’re not the only nice guy. Girls generally don’t tend to go for absolute assholes and chances are there’s another “nice guy” she has her sights set on. Just because she isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean she’s not looking for a nice guy who will treat her like a princess, that guy might just have something he can offer her that you can’t.

I’m not living my life like a damsel in distress just waiting for a guy in shining armor to come rescue me, in fact my decisions (especially those pertaining to love and dating) are very calculated and if I’m saying no to you I have my legitimate reasons as to why.

I understand that rejection hurts, trust me I’ve been rejected my fair share of times, what I don’t think is fair is making someone feel guilty over their decision, something that often goes hand in hand with the whole “friend zone”/”nice guy” concept.

I’m tired of feeling guilty about not liking someone back, why can’t I just be given the benefit of the doubt and instead of being called stupid for “missing out on someone great”, understand that it’s not meant to be and it’s best to move on.

xoxo

-The Blonde

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5 comments

  1. Anyone who tries to make you feel guilty for rejecting them is trash and proves how trash they are by doing so. The bright side is, you get to be proven right so you know, that’s a silver lining

    Liked by 1 person

    • allisonarnone · May 17, 2016

      Ugh, I’ve experienced this also. Like you said, we all get rejected: I don’t care if you look like Megan Fox — we’ve all experienced a person not wanting to be with us for some reason or another. If a guy I know expresses interest in me and I don’t reciprocate, I should not have to feel guilty or judged like I letting some amazing thing slip away. We either have feelings for people or we don’t – whether they’re nice, assholes, good looking, unattractive, whatever.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. SingleGirlsAnonymous · May 13, 2016

    We literally have an upcoming post titled Nice Guy Guilt – we have to deal with this whole thing too! Our take – just because he is a Nice Guy doesn’t mean he is the Right Guy!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ‘the whole “I’m a nice guy and that’s why women don’t like me line” you end up sounding like a dick and in fact not really that nice guy you make yourself out to be to be’

    I agree.

    Nice Guys act that way because they are not in touch with their raw masculine power, or are afraid to show it. They are hesitant to show their true selves due to upbringing, rejection or societal pressure.

    This type of man would be far more successful if he let his true spirit free. It would polarise people. Some would love, some would hate.

    He needs to work on becoming a man.

    However, I do believe the Friend Zone exists. It is not just a way for a guy to guilt trip a woman. It is when one party is attracted and the other is not, but the attracted party sticks around in the hope the other will EVENTUALLY become attracted. Usually it is the man.

    In some instances the non-attracted party doesn’t know the other person feels attraction. In other, more manipulative cases, they know and use that advantage to get the other person to do things for them.

    An example might be a man having a one night stand with a female friend he knows wants a deeper relationship with him, or a woman going on dates with a man she has no feelings for in order to get a free dinner.

    If you find yourself in the Friend Zone do yourself a favour and break off the friendship. Romantic feelings that are not-recipricated cause problems for both parties.

    Sadly, the typical Nice Guy won’t have the balls to do it.

    Liked by 1 person

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