Happy Friday Purgators!
As I was thinking about what to write for today I was reflecting a lot on relationships as a whole, I feel like after taking a step back from the online dating scene I don’t really have much to say about my own personal dating life. Things have been pretty quiet and to be honest, I’m enjoying watching Jojo find love on this season of The Bachelorette more than I am having to go out and do it myself (I’m going to be single forever).
Even though I don’t have much to write about myself at the moment, I always have lot’s to say about other people and this topic of conversation has been a reoccurring one ever since my best friend in Jr. High got her first boyfriend – being ditched for a guy.
Any single girl will understand this and can most likely relate, we’ve all had that bestie who we were attached to the hip with until they met a special guy that caught their attention and all of the sudden you were kicked to the curb, never to see them again.
This has happened to me many times throughout my lifetime and I think it could be one of the reasons why I’ve never been in much of a rush to get into a relationship for myself.
Like any major disappointment or heartbreak in life, there is always something to be learned and I have made many observations throughout my short 27 years.
I’ve learned what I don’t want to be like. After being thrown to the curb by people who I thought were my best friends I’ve realized, I never want to be like that. I never want to ditch my friends, stop having my beloved girl time and make people I used to spend so much time feel worthless and used in a sense. I get it, it’s love and how could you not want to spend every waking moment with that special someone but I’ve seen it from the outside looking in and it’s not healthy. We as women need our female support system, our Sex and the City squad if you will and when you don’t nourish those relationships you end up with a void in the long run. I’ve watched friends pour every fiber of themselves into their boyfriend while losing all their girlfriends only for things to end in a breakup and these girls have no where to go and no one to turn to – who’s going to bring you Ben & Jerry’s after a breakup if you have no friends? If things do work out in the favor of the relationship and these women end up getting engaged, they have no real friends to be involved in their wedding and have to pull some Paul Rudd, ‘I Love You Man’ type of stuff. After watching and analyzing these scenarios over, and over, and over I’ve come to realize I never want to be like that.
It’s more common for women to bail on their girlfriends than men to ditch their guys. Why is it that so many women to ditch their girls as soon as they enter a serious relationship whereas guys rarely sacrifice their bros and tend to always find time for their guys? I’ve noticed this recently with an ex-bestfriend, her and I were super tight, we even moved to Europe together for a year. She was part of a larger group of girls, including The Brunette, but when things got serious with her boyfriend she pushed all of us out of her life. No word of a lie, she has no friends anymore, her only friends are her boyfriend and her parents. Did her boyfriend do the same? Absolutely not! He still has his friends, never made that same sacrifice she did for their relationship. Why do women feel the need to drop everything around them for their significant other when guys still maintain their relationships with their buddies. *Side note: I understand there are exceptions to the rule, I do know a few guys who ditch their guy friends when they get a girlfriend – this is more of an overall observation.
I feel sad for the people who don’t know how to balance friends and relationships. Once all the anger and hurt passes I feel a true sense of sadness towards my old friends who have dropped our relationship to pursue a relationship with a guy. In the end, I move on, I always do – I find new people to hang out with and work on growing my existing friendships whereas my old coupled friends end up alone at home any time their S.O has made other plans.
I have great respect for my friends who know how to balance friendships and relationships. These people are true gems and I have deep respect for them. As you might be able to tell, I have a few trust issues when it comes to friends entering relationships so when my girlfriends can prove me wrong and find that healthy balance I have nothing but mad respect and gratitude towards them. I admire the women who can nourish their romantic relationship but still be fully present and engaged when they hang out with their girlfriends. I have a few of these women in my life right now (only a few) and I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful that they have found love, I’m thankful that they allow me to be part of their relationship and care about me getting to know their significant other and I’m thankful that they still make time for me as an individual and care about making time for our friendship.
Relationships are never easy, whether it’s a platonic or otherwise. Life is about balance and some people have an easier time doing it than others. It’s never easy to have a friendship put on the sidelines but like I said earlier, there is always something to be learned through the difficult and heartbreaking times and I’ve seen first hand exactly what I do not want to be like. I’d prefer my future to resemble more of a Carrie Bradshaw type character than Stepford Housewife.