Self Sabotage

Self Sabotage

Happy Friday Purgators!

Hope everyone is having a lovely June so far. Ours has been jam packed with events and all the fun things summer has to offer! What have you been up to?

I have been giving this topic quite a bit of thought recently. I think mostly because I am the biggest culprit of self sabotage. I do it often, from work to my personal relationships, I can never just let something good be, I have to stir the pot. I have to poke something a million times to make sure it is real and viable and not going to hurt me, so I hurt it before it can me.

Why can we not take things at face value? If someone says they like you and want to spend time with you, why is that not enough to believe them? Why do we have to put our own insecurities around it and bring down what could be/is a great thing. Recently I have been chatting with someone who has become a neat little fixture in my life. I enjoy speaking to him a lot and we get along well. Naturally because all those things line up, I have tried to break things off, tell him that he doesn’t really like me and all the reasons why this won’t work. I type the texts and I instantly regret it. Yet, I keep doing it (three times and counting). I have projected my own insecurities onto him and that is not fair. If he is telling me he likes talking to me/hanging out with me or whatever it is, why can that not be enough for me? Why can it not be enough for anyone?

Self sabotage is a coping mechanism a lot of people use when they have been hurt in the past. Although I have had my fair bit of hurt in my life, I don’t consider myself jaded from those instances…at least in my mind I don’t. But when I think about all of the beautiful things that could’ve been because of my self sabotage I realize I need to take a step back and evaluate my emotions before I ruin something…again.

A few steps I have been taking as of recently in order to avoid the doubt and give myself the comfort I need are,

1.Giving myself time before I text. If I want to say something that I think will be hurtful, I will sit on it for 24 hours. If I still feel the same way the next day, then I allow myself to speak out about those insecurities. This avoids emotions from getting high and lets me have a chance to think about what I want to say before saying it.

2.Me time. Might sound silly and obvious but giving yourself the time you need and desire with yourself will really help you with those unwanted thoughts and give you a chance to breathe. Whether it’s spending a night in watching a movie or going for a walk, being alone helps!

3.Giving someone a chance. Painting every guy with the same brush is the WORST thing you can do. Although many men might have hurt you, there is just as many men out there that haven’t. Give everyone a chance, they might surprise you. 

4.Enjoy the ride. I know we say this ALL THE TIME, but its true. Life is too short to live with regrets and what could be’s. Enjoy the moment for what it could be, because before you know it, it could be gone.

Life is full of shitty things all around us, we should not be letting the one thing that is suppose to make us feel happy and joyful, destroy us simply because we don’t think we deserve happiness.


-The Brunette



  1. Anna Hopeful · June 17, 2016

    It has more to do with accepting yourself, and that you are confident that you are the best version of yourself you can and want to be. If that is not the case it triggers self doubts, and all the negative side effects. So, in addition to the steps you mention above, consider and evaluate who you are, what you stand for and how this reflects on your emotions and consequently on your actions. It is a good step forward, but in my opinion you need to dig a little deeper. Believe in yourself, trust yourself, and be content with yourself! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Blonde&Brunette · June 17, 2016

      Thanks love! You’re right, self reflection is just as important! Self discovery is a life long journey and one I’m constantly exploring xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. urbanvox · June 17, 2016

    Know that feeling. I’m awful at self-sabotage too. I think I’m lucky that I can communicate with Brook and together we manage to defuse some of those bombs… Communication helps too and remembering that each person is different… The sins of the ex are not necessarily the sin of the current…
    Keep it up babes! I think you girlies rock!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Blonde&Brunette · June 17, 2016

      Thanks Yuri! You’re right communication is so important but harder to do in a dating capacity vs relationship one. Don’t want to overshare when you’re in that I don’t know what we are phase lol


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