Happy Friday Purgators!
It’s been a hot minute since the last time I’ve posted anything on here – I guess the whole summer holiday’s mentality kind of got the best of me. Anyways, as nice as it’s been taking it easy, I miss everyone and decided it was time for me to dust off the old blogging skills and put them to good use.
Children – some people love them, some people hate them, some people want them and some people don’t. When I was a kid I always thought I would be married when I was 21 and pregnant by 23, now when I look back and think about it I can’t help but laugh. I can’t imagine being settled down with a couple kids and when I think about my taste in men at the age of 21 I’m sure I would probably have my first divorce under my belt as well.
You may be asking, “what happened to get me thinking about this topic?” Well today I was listening to one of my co-workers complain about how he’d rather work than have a day off because it’s too much work trying to entertain his kids all day. He told me that one day I will understand and when I responded, “I don’t want kids” the look of shock on his face was pretty obvious. My other co-worker chimed in and said, “she’ll probably end up having 10 kids one day” – umm, thanks but no thanks. This interaction has not been uncommon since I’ve started becoming more vocal about not wanting kids which I find very interesting, people can’t just accept it when a woman says she doesn’t want kids. I have talked to only a handful of people who haven’t made comments like, “you’ll change your mind”, or “who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” I actually had one friend tell me that she respects my views on not wanting to have kids because “it’s better not to have kids, than have them and be a bad mom” – whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about me being a bad mom? I might not want kids but I am confident that if I ever did I’d be a bomb ass mom with a lot of love and nurturing to give, me being a “bad mom” has nothing to do with my decision.
I truly believe it is so important not to rush major life milestones such as marriage and children, the longer you wait the more you gain valuable life experiences and have a greater sense of self. Which leads me to my current views on having children, like I said before, when I was younger I didn’t think not having kids was an option – after all, everyone was doing it. I figured it was just the natural progression of life, you get married, have kids and live happily ever after but the older I get the more I realize what might be the natural progression for some people is not necessarily right for me.
There are two reasons why I don’t think kids are for me:
1.It’s not you, it’s me: Sometimes I stop and think about how much my parents have sacrificed for me and my sisters and it’s pretty unbelievable. Their lives literally revolve around us. They gave up their time to drive us (and still my youngest sister who is 14) to extra-curricular activities, they’ve given me and my sisters money to pay for big ticket items that we could never afford on our own, they still let us invite friends over to their house on a hot, sunny Saturday to take over their pool when I’m sure they’d like to enjoy it in peace and quiet – the list could be a blog post in and of itself. When I think about having to give up those same things for someone else it stresses me out because it’s a lot. I like the idea of being a D.I.N.K (double income no kids), I want to have a partner to explore the world with, someone that I can enjoy luxuries with and at this time I don’t foresee me sacrificing the things and experiences I want most for kids just because it’s the “normal” thing to do. I want to go out when I can, I want to go on holiday’s when I want, I want to buy certain luxuries – these are things that aren’t typically possible when you enter kids into the mix. I will forever be grateful for the sacrifice my parents made for my sisters and I but the more I fully grasp all they’ve done for me the more I realize I don’t want to do the same thing for someone else.
2.It’s not me, it’s you: Don’t get me wrong, there are some cute kids. When my youngest sister was born I was 13 so I had the opportunity of being very hands on with a newborn at a young age. My sister was awesome (she still is), she was adorable and it was pretty amazing to watch her grow but she was a lot of work and required a lot of attention. I think kids are needy, messy, smelly, they’re so much work and super annoying (except my sister), I just can’t be bothered.
I say all of this now as a single, twenty-something with a lot of goals yet to accomplish. I always like to disclose that my mind might very well change once I meet someone I’m completely head over heels for and I’m open to the possibility of my opinion changing. As for now though, I’m not into the idea of sacrificing the experiences I love so much right now. I don’t feel like my life would be incomplete without having children of my own and I’m not afraid of being alone when I am an old lady. I think being an auntie is more up my alley anyways – I want enjoy the perks of loving and nurturing someone that looks up to me without having to deal with the mess and stress of it all.